just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
