so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
