is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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