Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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