wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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