so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
