According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
