I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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