She's JV to your varsity
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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