No period for spring break; use this wisely.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
