:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
