I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
