what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
