I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
