Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
