What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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