i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
