I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
