White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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