I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
