I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
