I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
