nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need moral support for this bender
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
