i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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