I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize