im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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