Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
