dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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