Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
