even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
