I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
