No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
