I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
