My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That's intense
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
