I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
