I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
