PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
