dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
