you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
