After last night, I could never be a politician.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
