oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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