Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
