windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
