please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
