He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
