I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
