im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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