We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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