Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
