I need help removing her.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
