hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
