she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
