I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
