Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
