my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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