Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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