if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize