he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
do herpes really smell.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
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So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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