Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your dad touched me again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
