he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
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Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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