She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I AM VODKA MAN
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
