It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
