That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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