Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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