He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
