Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
