I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
