Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
